CAR COUNTRY

K & N: Knights and Nerds

I’m not that big of a geek, but I hang out with a lot of them. For example, two of my good friends Tim and Mike are really into sci-fi and fantasy and they’re always trying to get me to go to comic conventions, midnight Dungeons & Dragons sessions and of course the renaissance fair.

I usually resist, but end up going along. When they asked me to go to the renaissance fair, I couldn’t think of a good excuse, and plus I’ve never seen such a fair before, so I thought, “What the heck…”

We all piled into the geekwagon— my cherry red Mustang—and headed down to the park. When we got there, I was amazed. The whole place had been transformed into a medieval wonderland, with tents and turrets and moats everywhere. We passed a blacksmith hammering a newly forged sword amidst bales of straw and an old lady selling roast beast.

Just for fun, I picked up a helmet with a full visor and placed it on my head. Inside it was dark and stifling and I flailed around while my Tim and Mike howled with laughter. I guess I flailed a little too hard because I lost my balance and fell right into someone who was standing nearby. I pulled off my helmet sheepishly and was confronted with the angry eyes of a knight with a thick black beard.

“You there, peasant,” he barked, “How dare thee accost a noble?”

“My bad,” I said blinking up at him, “I guess I’m just not used to wearing armor.”

The knight snarled.

“Methinks this varlet needs to be taught a lesson!” And he threw down his gauntlet and glowered at me.

Tim and Mike were no help. They quickly stepped into their roles.

“Sir, thou dost insult us mightily,” said Tim.

“Yea, good sir, thy challenge is accepted,” added Mike, “We shall vanquish thee at noon upon the jousting grounds.”

And that’s how I found myself on a horse in a full suit of armor with a jousting lance in my hand racing down a track at breakneck speed.

Before the impact, I there was only one thought in my mind, that I’d never see my beloved geekwagon again…

The knight’s lance crashed into my breastplate and I flew off my horse and smashed into the ground. The black bearded knight dismounted and strutted around as the crowd roared their approval and showered their victor with roses. My faithful squires Tim and Mike dragged my battered body off the field and helped me out of my armor.

After resting an hour we all went back to the geekwagon. In the parking lot, I saw my arch nemesis the knight putting his armor into the trunk of his Ford Escort. Out of costume he was almost unrecognizable.

“Hey Sir Knight!” I yelled. Then I gunned my engine so hard that the shockwave from the car’s exhaust hit the knight full on. He flew back and slammed into a castle wall and lay on the ground unconscious and possibly dead. Tim and Mike whooped with joy.

“The enemy has been vanquished!” they shouted. And we sallied forth out onto the open road…

About the Author

I sure am glad my geekwagon was outfitted with a new K&N air intake system and a K and N filter!

Mary Ann’s Ice Spectacular 2007

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